When You Can Stop Being A Warrior And Just Breathe

When you are diagnosed with breast cancer—even before you start treatment—it seems like everybody has something to say about the fight ahead of you. If I had a dime for every time someone said “You’re gonna beat this”…

They mean well (know that this kind of talk makes them feel they’re supporting you)—and yes, we do have to summon our inner warrior to deal with pretty much every aspect of treatment.

It’s exhausting, full stop.

But sometimes, we need to set our warrior stance aside—we don’t have to be Wonder Woman.

We need to breathe. To decompress. To go “off warrior”.

Not gonna lie—I struggled with this, until I accidentally fell into it. My friend Rebecca flew in for a few days before my surgery—as we’d planned long before cancer entered the picture. Loyal friend that she is, she’d offered to reschedule, but I was thrilled for a distraction from all the cancer stuff.

We dived into our favorite things (food, walking, vintage boutique shopping)—interspersed with very real conversations about what was happening and how I might feel afterwards.

But the most absurdly wonderful “off warrior” moment was with Nia, an Eastern Black Rhinoceros.

Since my pal considers the rhino her spirit animal, I’d gotten us tickets for the rhino meet-and-greet at our Living Desert, with Nia as the star attraction. I figured it would be fun—especially seeing it through Rebecca’s eyes—but it was so much more. We got to touch Nia’s rough hide and feed her some delicious branches, all while standing close enough that she could head butt us into oblivion should the mood strike.

It was pure, defiant, ridiculous, beautiful joy—glorious! Suddenly, I wasn’t a patient fighting cancer, I wasn’t scared about the future, I was experiencing joy in the midst of something terrifying.

This is what I mean by breathing. Not a spa day. Not toxic positivity. Just one afternoon where you let someone who loves you make you laugh with a black rhino.

Going off warrior was not only a giant exhale, but the reset I didn’t know was available. My medical appointments afterwards were lighter, calmer. I felt more centered, more ready for what was coming next in a way I couldn’t before. My conversations were less frantic and my jaw visibly relaxed.

Who knew a black rhino could do all that?

p.s. See those edges of rhino hoof marks on the ground? You want to be on the opposite side of those or you’re rhino bait 😎